In South Sudan, cows are not just livestock. They are currency, they are status, and in the context of marriage, they are the measure of a man’s seriousness. By that measure, Buong Arop did everything right. It still was not enough.
The young Sudanese man has gone viral after sharing an open letter addressed to his childhood girlfriend, a woman he had loved, pursued formally, and lost, not because he came up short, but because the family chose someone closer to home over someone who came with more.
Arop had gathered 105 cows as bride price. His rival brought 90. By traditional reckoning, there should have been no contest. But the girl’s family chose the other man anyway, citing what Arop described as local ties, the simple fact that his opponent was a “homie,” someone from within the same community, while Arop had travelled across regions, crossing Mayath and Cueibet and going deep into Gok, into Bhargel, to pursue the woman he loved.
His goal, he explained, had never been just about the girl. He had wanted to unite two communities, Duony Payam and Bhar-Gel of Achol Malek Payam, through their union. He came in peace, with respect, and with more cows than the man who won. And still, he left empty-handed.
What he left behind instead was a letter, and it is one of the more quietly devastating things to have circulated on social media in recent memory.
He wrote:
“I hope this letter finds you well. I wanted to take a moment to acknowledge what we once shared with honesty and respect. The world is so big. Some people come into our lives for a season, not forever and that doesn’t lessen their importance. I let you go but my heart never did. I tried to be strong, but it’s not convincing.
I told myself what’s that bad thing I did to your relatives, when I have 105 cows and my so-called opponent having 90 cows, why should I choose your family to build a strong bond between two families, yet they ended up favoring a homie. Is marriage from this land all about home? I believed being a homie has an advantage if not my opponent would have not ended up being favored.
My plan was intentional to unite two Payams in unity, Duony Payam and Bhar-Gel of Achol Malek Payam, in union to have a strong bond among themselves and that’s the very same reason I crossed Mayath and Cueibet to go behind the depth of Gok which is Bhargel. I didn’t know people would end up mistreating me like a stranger. Even when I respect and not to cause them any annoyance in any way. I dated you respectfully and peacefully knowing one day, you should be mine.
Love used to feel like hope, like home. Now it feels fragile, like something I can’t risk again.
After I just ended, I just sat there, staring at nothing like a mad man and then the tears came slowly, silent, heavy and unexpected way without my knowledge. No one noticed, no one heard. It was like dreams and unsure but it became true and reality. I didn’t break down loudly. I just cried quietly, holding onto the pieces of us, already missing you more than I thought I could.
Today I choose to say goodbye. Not because I never love you but because I respect your brothers and family at large. I promised your brothers not to grab you in such a stolen way but in a good way and if your family failed to choose a different path then it’s okay. It’s not your fault but your family and relatives chose to follow the path of their home.
I truly hope that life has been kind to you and that you are moving forward with peace and purpose. This letter carries no expectations, only goodwill, gratitude and respect for what once was. Go live well with your in-laws. Let’s count everything in God’s hand, maybe it was planned by God before we were once considered an idea. Goodbye Maan Buong.”
The letter has been shared thousands of times, drawing reactions from people across the continent who found in it something they recognised, the particular ache of doing everything right and still losing, of love that was real and careful and ultimately not enough to overcome forces that had nothing to do with love at all.
Arop is not angry at the girl. He makes that clear. He is disappointed in a system, and in a family that looked at 105 cows and a man who crossed regions to be there, and still chose differently.
